Ένα λευκό, εντυπωσιακό αιωρούμενο αυτοκίνητο με την οροφή του κατεβασμένη κατευθύνεται στο υπόγειο πάρκινγκ του Brown Beach Corinthia, του ολοκαίνουργιου 5άστερου ξενοδοχείου των Αγίων Θεοδώρων.
Ο οδηγός του είναι περικυκλωμένος από ασημί μπάλες, επίσης αιωρούμενες που μοιάζουν με υπερτροφικά μπιζέλια. Πρόκειται για τη νέα σειρά SMART που δίνει έμφαση στην πράσινη ενέργεια, την εξοικονόμηση χώρου και, φυσικά, στο εύκολο παρκάρισμα.
Μέσα σε αυτές μπάλες βρίσκονται οι σωματοφύλακες του ΓκΣτπ που με τα μαύρα τους ειδικά γυαλιά κοιτάζουν γύρω τους όσο χαϊδεύουν τη σκανδάλη του όπλου τους. Η παρουσία τους είναι αναγκαία.
Αρκετά με τις μπάλες, όμως, πρήζονται εύκολα.
Οι κάτοικοι των Αγίων Θεοδώρων, όσοι από αυτούς δεν βίωσαν τον ξεριζωμό, είναι εξαγριωμένοι με τον συντοπίτη τους καθώς, όπως δήλωσαν οι ίδιοι σε δημοσιογράφο που εργάζεται σε εφημερίδα της περιοχής, «ξεπουλήθηκε για λίγα NFTs. Έκοψε με έναν επιχρυσωμένο κόφτη κάθε δεσμό με τον τόπο και τους ανθρώπους του».
Αυτός ήταν και ο τίτλος του πρωτοσέλιδου, με κεφαλαία κόκκινα γράμματα και εκτενές ρεπορτάζ στις σελίδες 4-7. Σε αυτές διαβάζουμε ότι τον βλέπουν και τον αντιμετωπίζουν σαν ξένο, άσχετα αν ο ΓκΣτπ μεγάλωσε και ουσιαστικά γαλουχήθηκε στα σπλάχνα του χωριού το οποίο -το τονίζουμε αυτό-, έπαψε να θυμίζει χωριό (σ.σ το αποκαλούν θέρετρο) μετά τις υλικές επενδύσεις.
Ευγενική υπενθύμιση: Οι υλικές επενδύσεις φημίζονται για την ηθική φθορά που προκαλούν.
Εδώ και μερικές ημέρες έχει δημιουργηθεί μια αναστάτωση άνευ προηγουμένου στην κοινωνία των Αγίων Θεοδώρων και αφορμή στάθηκε η ολιγόλεπτη ομιλία του ΓκΣτπ στα εγκαίνια του Brown Beach Corinthia, παρουσία του προέδρου του Ισραήλ, Ιτσχάκ Χέρτζογκ και του Έλληνα πρωθυπουργού Κυριάκου Μητσοτάκη.
Ο ΓκΣτπ, ανάμεσα σε πολλά άλλα, έκανε γνωστή την πρόθεσή του να αντικαταστήσει σταδιακά του γνήσιους «Αγιοθοδωρίτε» με μια νέα φυλή, τους New Cromions, ένα είδος ανθρώπων με υπερβολικά λείο δέρμα, άριστες γνώσεις πληροφορικής/data science και εξαιρετική όσφρηση, μια ικανότητα αναγκαία στις μέρες μας καθώς ένας εργαζόμενος οφείλει να «μυρίζεται το χρήμα από μακριά».
Η αντίδραση από την πλευρά των Old Cromions ήταν άμεση. Απλοί άνθρωποι, «μεροκαματιάρηδες και του μόχθου», άτομα που πρόλαβαν και έσκισαν τα γόνατά τους στο χαλίκι «λίγο μετά τη Χριστίνα» βγήκαν στους δρόμους, μπαστακώθηκαν έξω από το Brown Beach Corinthia και φώναξαν συνθήματα κατά του ΓκΣτπ και αυτό γιατί ο μπροστάρης των νέων επενδυτών, εκτός από την αναφορά στα μελλοντικά του σχέδια, προέβη σε μια δήλωση που ταρακούνησε τους συγχωριανούς του (αν μπορούμε να τους αποκαλέσουμε έτσι).
Όπως είπε, σκέφτεται πολύ σοβαρά να απαγορεύσει την κυκλοφορία των αγροτικών αυτοκινήτων και των τρακτέρ στους κεντρικούς δρόμους διότι «προκαλούν αισθητική παλινδρόμηση στους τουρίστες».
(Στο μεταξύ, ο Ίλον Μασκ γράφει στο Twitter: «η παρουσίαση του Cyber Flying Truck θα γίνει στους Αγίους Θεοδώρους»).
Ο κ. Χρήστος, ένας ακόμα μεταδημότης που ήρθε στους Αγίους να ψηφίσει όσους του κάνουν χάρες το πήρε προσωπικά (χωρίς ουσιαστικό λόγο, βαλτός ήταν) και αφού χτύπησε το χέρι του στην οροφή του Navara και φώναξε «ΓκΣτπ γ@μιέσαι», πέταξε μία πέτρα στις αστυνομικές δυνάμεις που φρουρούσαν το ξενοδοχείο.
Αυτό ήταν!
Ο ΓκΣτπ, από το ειδικά διαμορφωμένο γυμναστήριο με θέα το Αγκίστρι, τη στιγμή που περπατούσε στο διάδρομο και σκούπιζε τον ιδρώτα του, έδωσε την εντολή να διαλυθεί το πλήθος. Το πρώτο που έκαναν οι δυνάμεις καταστολής ήταν να ρίξουν μια χειροβομβίδα κρότου-λάμψης με τον κ. Χρήστο να στέκεται άτυχος αφού τη δέχθηκε στο κεφάλι. Λάθος άτομο, ίδιο αποτέλεσμα.
Οι Old Cromions άρχισαν να πετούν ό,τι έβρισκαν μπροστά τους. Από (ν)τομάτες και κρεμμύδια μέχρι γαλότσες και αποδείξεις από τα τσίπουρα που έπιναν κρυφά το μεσημέρι. Είναι γεγονός. Το ιστορικό Πριν συγκρούεται με το υπερσύγχρονο Τώρα και τα φιλόδοξα όνειρα για το Μετά. Η μάχη θα οδηγηθεί στα άκρα, «Παναγία μου, θα θρηνήσουμε θύματα».
Όλα αυτά μέχρι να ακουστεί μια ελαφρολαϊκή τραπ μελωδία από κάποιο beach bar «που πάει η νεολαία». Ξαφνικά, τα πνεύματα ηρέμησαν, ο ΓκΣτπ κατέβηκε στο δρόμο, αγκαλιάστηκε με τους κανίβαλους του θέρους, σήκωσε τον αιμόφυρτο κ.Χρήστο από το έδαφος, του υποσχέθηκε νερό όλο το καλοκαίρι και οι αστυνομικοί άρχισαν να κάνουν challenge στο TikTok.
Η μουσική ενώνει.
The End
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